The Book Burning That Wasn’t

Or perhaps…Your story offends so I demand it be deleted!

The ‘book burning that wasn’t’… this weekend marked a boycott of FF.NET where my interest in writing began. In the last two years, a ‘purge’ of 10’s of thousands, maybe 100’s of thousands of stories has occurred, causing mass deletions of stories, an incalculable loss of creativity for those authors affected.

I continue to write ‘fan fiction‘ as a way to practice my craft and develop a fan base. As my stories are precisely the ones targeted I’ve moved them to a more ‘friendly’ site as well as my own blog and I am humbled by the fans who have moved with me. I am saddened by the self-righteous witch hunts that continue on FF.NET and the damage that it has caused.

The Huffington Post Article this post is named for hints at some of the issues. But for those of us who have been facing it for years, it goes much deeper. It is more than FF.NET deciding to once again enforce it’s rules and regulations. As I’ve said before, while they may be stated, they have gone unenforced for so long as to be meaningless. And instead of FF.NET admin actually doing the enforcement, they allow small, self-appointed groups of censors to do their work for them. And all of this is done without recourse to the author who is impacted.

So I tip my hat to sites like An Archive of Our Own (AO3) that welcomes authors of all sorts… those that write G rated stuff to those that write straight out erotica. And what I have found is that the quality of writing is about three steps above what I have found in FF.NET. Grammar, story-telling, characterization are all far and above what I have seen on any other fan fiction sites. I encourage you to explore your favorite fandoms on AO3. You don’t need an invite to check things out or to leave Kudos. Find out for yourself!

What do you think of what has gone on over at FF.net? Have any of your favorite stories been impacted? Will your behavior in reading fan fiction change? Will you still routinely go to ff.net or will you seek out other avenues instead? Thoughts?

Renee

Welcome New Subscribers!

I welcome the new subscribers from ff.net to my blog. I’ll be keeping this updated with story updates as well as posts on various topics of interests…writing, politics, the world, things that are going on in my head at the time.

Ray Bradbury died today and he said some profound things about writing. He spent three days a week in a library reading. In 10 years, he had read all the books. That was how he fed his creative genius. He also said “You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.”

The reality of children, PTA, lost hours on Facebook, twitter, email, television, constant anxiety over the state of the world leaves me depleted without the creativity to feed the muse. Other than quality time spent with my family, my soul is not fed, my life is not bettered, I have not served myself or others for good. I certainly have not set a positive example for my children 

 

 In the refocusing on writing as a business, on the ‘getting drunk of writing,’ on the joy of writing, I must retrain myself to focus on what I love doing, and minimize or stop doing those things that don’t feed my soul, that ‘destroy me.’ Only in that way, in exercising a self-discipline that for me will be significant, will I be able to be successful at writing.

A picture of me and my tattoos. They represent my growth and rebirth

 

Remembering September 11

We Remember by Gpilot06, http://www.deviantart.com

It’s almost that day. The day I still can’t talk about without choking up and crying. I cry now as I sit and write about it. Two months after my second son was born. The day all of our lives changed forever. September 11, 2001.

Very, very early that morning, my sister-in-law called. It was one of those night-time calls that everyone dreads. News is never good when the phone wakes you in the middle of the night…or in our case, very early dawn. She was on the East Coast, we were on the West, far from family. She wanted to let us know that my father-in-law hadn’t been at the Pentagon that day. That was the good news.

My husband took the call. He was on early morning duty with my two month old son. I never heard the phone ring, but I still remember the words he said to me as he woke me, holding our new baby.

“Honey, you need to wake up. It’s really bad.”

And I, like almost everyone I imagine, could simply not fathom what I was being told. It couldn’t be happening, but there it was…. Buildings burning, people jumping from the towers, chaos, news that the President was flying around in Air Force One because they weren’t sure where to land. The rumors, the fear, the ultimate chaos. The ground was literally shifting under our collective feet.

I still remember the shocked look on President Bush‘s face when he was told. How terrible must have been his inconceivable surprise to go from gently reading to school kids sitting at his feet, to finding out that the country had been attacked. And attacked so viciously. And now he had to step up…presidency can never be easy. A war-time presidency must be the worst.

My husband went to work later that morning if only to send everyone home. When he came home hours later, I was still sitting in the rocking chair in front of the TV, still in pajamas, still in tears. My older son was not quite three. He doesn’t remember the day at all of course, but I can still see him sitting at the kitchen table on his little booster seat, contentedly playing with play-doh. All day long.

I suppose I must have fed my kids at some point. They were young enough to not go hungry for long, despite the drama that surrounded them. I simply cannot remember. All I can remember is the image of the Towers in flames. Of MSNBC reporters with the smoke and dust surrounding them trying to give the rest of us a sense of just how terrible things were. As if we couldn’t tell from the wake of the disaster.

I think of those who lived through the attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941. Even though that was several decades before I was born, the phrase “The Day that Will Live in Infamy” is something I will never forget. Maybe because for me, it was a historical event long before I was born. Maybe it is easy to just remember great words like that when one isn’t in the middle of the horror. I know that I can’t remember anything of the speech that Bush gave the night of 9/11. Maybe there was nothing as memorable as the Infamy speech, or maybe I, like so many others, were just numb from shock. There was no room for words that day, only for the images caught forever in my mind.

I still cry. I weep for where those attacks have led the nation. Ten years later, we remain embroiled in two wars, one of our choosing and one not. And we live in fear. Fear for our men and women who fight in our wars, both of them. Fear for our freedoms that have been eroded away in the name of security. Fear of others’ religions we don’t understand. Fear of people different than ourselves. Fear of different cultures. Fear that our economy will never recover. Fear.

I also want to believe we have hope. I hope that we raise our children to be inclusive, to understand the world and its complexities and many shades of gray. I hope that instead of encouraging frightening biases, we learn to appreciate that there are extremist fundamentalist religions everywhere, and that those who embrace those views do not represent an entire religion or ethnic group. I hope in our homes and schools we teach our kids about 9/11 and help them to use it as a reason for them to think of ways they can change the world for the better. As ever has been, our children are our future. May we educate them in ways to make our world a place for peace for everyone in all things.

At the site of Ground Zero, there is a tree called “The Survivor Tree.” Burning debris from the falling towers reduced the then 8 foot tall tree into a limbless, charred trunk. But there was a surreal moment when a Parks department employee saw a speck of green from the tree amid the lifeless gray dust and debris. And for the last 10 years, that tree has been nursed back to health. It is now 35 feet tall and a source of wonder for all. The scars from the attack are still evident on the trunk, but it has survived despite everything. It rose as a symbol of hope from the ashes of our fear.

How many of us will write checks tomorrow and not realize it is 9/11 until we write the date on the check? Or maybe never notice at all. I hope that we have not forgotten already, like we forget so many other things in our busy lives. In the wake of the ‘busyness’ of email, texting, blogging, shopping, along with the real things like family and the first week of school, I hope that I don’t get up tomorrow morning and have forgotten what day it is. I want to remember. But I want to remember without fear. I want to remember with hope.

Renee Quattromani

September 2011

Related articles

• Letter: Volunteer to remember 9/11 (knoxnews.com)
• A decade later, schools find lessons in 9/11 (sfgate.com)

Why The Agony and the Ecstasy?

By Aegis-Strife

Why would I call my site The Agony and The Ecstasy of Cavalier Queen?

Sometimes one such as myself find they are in need of a serious break to recover their sanity.  I am bipolar. Many creative and influential people are and have been bipolar including Jim Carrey, Robert Downey, Jr., Carrie Fischer, Vivien Leigh, Beethoven , Francis Ford Coppola, Sting, Sylvia Plath, Mark Twain, Poe, Van Gogh, and Winston Churchill. Some of the names you may recognize because of the tragic lives they have led, and others the lives where they have overcome what I call the Agony and the Ecstasy of being bipolar. I am in no way comparing my experience or talent with theirs, just giving examples of those with the disorder.

For me, the Ecstasy (mania) allows one’s mind to be freed from all normal constraints and embrace creative magic for oneself and for the benefit of others. Being in the hours, days, and weeks of a manic episode lends one to little or no sleep but with enough energy to get amazing things done. I feel like Super Woman who can do anything including fighting off speeding bullets with her cool wrist bracelets. Writing five chapters over 3 days for example, or unpacking 6 large boxes of moving stuff in the middle of the night, or organizing the thousands of books my children have by topic at 3am. Or my personal favorite, waxing my eyebrows at 12:30 in the morning in the dark because I absolutely *had* to (I don’t recommend this!).

As the Ecstasy is at its peak or is changing into the Agony, I have a constant need to clean, to organize, to adjust, and to spend money. Anything even a centimeter off can be the source of obsession and an uncontrollable need to fix it. I can spend thousands of dollars in a matter of hours, which if we had the money it might not be so bad. But, since we are both unemployed, that is a problem. These are times when my house is spotless because my OCD has kicked in to an extreme level. I also write and write and write, sometimes never leaving my laptop or my bed all day. I forget to eat, sleep, or do anything that a normal person might be inclined to do.

As the Ecstasy turns into Agony, passionate interest turns into consuming obsession. TV shows I once enjoyed become too highly stimulating for me to watch. Writing also becomes too stimulating as I begin to write scenes and stories in my head throughout the night instead of sleeping. During the Ecstasy and the slippery slope into Agony, 20 minutes to 2 ½ hours of sleep might be all I get in a 24 hour period time. And my mind is good with that. But alas, after a while my body gives out. Once reached, the Agony is a time of extreme darkness, loss of hope, catatonia, cutting off of all relationships, closing myself away in a cave of my own making, and eventually becoming unsafe for myself. These periods can last a very long time, and ALWAYS follow an extensive and high manic episode.

Twice my physician offered me a choice. On both occasions, I walked into his office unable to sit still, talking rapidly, and banging my head on his door, literally. He could admit me into the hospital to monitor my behavior and begin a new drug regimen that I have been very opposed to, but at this point have little say in the matter. OR, I could go home, deescalate at home, cutting off all the things that cause my obsessions and my mania and have my husband manage my medications. I tend to be lax about medicines and eating, my very very bad.

Now, after a stable regimen of medications, DBT therapy, exercise, and a lot of education of my family and myself, instead of the high flying loop-d-loop of a roller coaster, I’m more on what I would call the kiddie-roller coaster. Yeah, I get my highs and my lows..but they are not so high or so low that I come flying off the seat. My neck gets jerked around, and I might utter a scream every now and then, but I don’t get off the ride sweating and anxious. Much better.

CavalierQueen

“What in me is dark, Illumine;

What is low raise and support.

What though the field be lost?

All is not lost; the unconquerable Will,

And courage never to submit or yield:

And what is else not to be overcome?”

Paradise Lost, Book I 22-23,105-106, 108-109, John Milton

Why I set up this site

By ImperfectFleur

 

In the microcosm of my world, I was happily writing my fan fiction and posting it to www.fanfiction.net. Until I was notified by an interested reader that a sort of witch hunt had begun by a small group of readers to find everyone that was publishing work they felt unworthy of the site or that broke the rules of the site. I admit, I am one of the ones who has broken the rules…many times. Most of my work would be considered MA/NC-17 which the ToSG clearly states is not allowed. It is interesting to note that about 90% of everything labelled ‘M’ rated on ff.net is of the MA/NC-17 nature, regardless of the rules.   

However, when work started being deleted, accounts removed, and other crimes against the community because of a small group of people, I decided to begin the relocation of my work. Understand that there are over 3,000,000 written works listed on ff.net. Some are very very good. And others are terrible. Regardless, this small group, which calls themselves the Literary Union, created something called a ‘bot’ which automatically scans through all the material on the site and marks it specifically to notify the ff.net admins. The Literary Union particularly targets stories that have poor spelling and grammar, as well as those, like mine, that are adult oriented.   

You can learn more about this debate at http://civilinitiative.blogspot.com/2010/08/redbotton-issue-and-what-it-means-for.html. My comments and posts are listed under the pseudonym of phoenix. Usually I use my pseudonym of cavalierqueen, but I didn’t want to bring undo attention to my works. Yes, I am a coward that way.   

I have already migrated all of my stories to a website that is friendlier to fan fiction writers who write more adult content. All of my stories can be accessed at www.archiveofourown.org.

 

Soon, I will have all of my stories listed here. I am just a few short of having it complete. After that, all updates will be new chapters, new stories, and blog posts. You can set up an RSS feed (at the top right of the major pages), or sign up for email updates on the left side bar.

 

And since I went to the trouble to create this site, even if very few people actually read it, I figured I would use it to show off some of the creativity of others I enjoy, as well as blogging about misc. things I find interesting. Of course, I always figured most personal blogs were spouting opinions etc. that others weren’t interested in. And yet, here I go creating one.

 

Me

 

I hope that you will join me here.  

Thank you so much,

Cavalier Queen

Smoke and Mirrors

Under Construction!    

Woman in the Smoke by Charolett at deviantart.com

 

My blog will cover all sorts of things my mind thinks of, life deals with, the muse’s gift and the muse’s sacrifice.    

Topics might include:    

• Issues in the world today
• Challenges of having a child with a different mind—on the autism spectrum and Asperger’s Syndrome
• Great and tragic love stories of modern times
• Being bi-polar and what that means to my life and loves
• Fan Fiction
• Frustrations and Irritations
• Joys and Happiness
• The Reinvention of Self

 

Related Articles

• Comparing Aspergers to Autism (brighthub.com)
• Helping Asperger’s Syndrome Students Adapt To Classroom Transitions (brighthub.com)
• A Summary of Signs of Autism by Age (brighthub.com)