Stumbling Towards Ecstasy

Creativity dedicated to the Heart, Mind, and Soul

Lemon Jam Chapter 6

Shocked in silent trances
Our eyes search just to know
What makes flesh and body hunger
For another burning soul
Conscience quiet pleading
In the corner of my eye
But seeing is believing
All consequences fly

A demon’s day in madness kissed
I swear I never had it like this
Forbidden yet I cannot resist

With fever I persist
The rages of your kiss
My reckless heart in fist
And I cannot resist

~Resist, Melissa Etheridge

The whole day they had played by the rules… gotten in on time, albeit barely, in separate cars. There had been nothing personal discussed between them all day. Even driving around in the truck alone together, their words never were anything but utterly professional. That doesn’t mean Jules didn’t find Sam watching her intently, his eyes utterly focused on her. She’d raise her eyebrows sharply as if to ask ‘What?!’ silently, and he’d just grin and respond to whatever Ed was telling him at the time. It was unnerving how his mind could seem to be completely on her and yet be completely ‘in the game’ as well. Jules was nowhere near able to compartmentalize like that.

As soon as they drove off the lot after their 14 hour shift, Sam’s phone rang.


“I’m goin’ by the store for food. I’ll be home in about an hour or so.”

“Sounds good. I’ll eat whatever. I’m going to get some clothes.

“You’re right Sam, you will eat whatever… it’s my house. And you don’t need that much, it’s just a few days. Not even every night, probably.”

“You think so, huh?” She was apparently going to pick a fight, and he didn’t even know why.

“Don’t go getting paranoid, Sam. There’s probably ‘gonna be times when I want some time alone… you know, you’ll just have to stay at your place. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Right. Just so you know that if I tell you that I want to stay at my place and not come over, it doesn’t mean anything other either.”

Jules was silent on the other end of the phone, and when she realized he wasn’t going to say anything, she gave a sharp “Fine,” and hung up.

“Fine,” Sam said to the dial-tone. Well, this was starting off just great Sam thought, while Jules sped through the neighborhood streets refusing to cry, gripping the steering wheel and swearing under her breath, “Cocky bastard.”

An hour later, Sam knocked on the back door wondering if she’d even let him in. Saying ’Fine’ and hanging up was not a good sign. Jules came to the door and watched him from the other side of the glass, taking in his worn black Queen tour t-shirt and barely threaded jeans, and sneered at the army duffel bag he wore swung over his shoulder.

Opening the door with her hands on her hips, she smirked, “I told you that you weren’t moving in, Sam. You pack like a girl.”

“Are you going to let me in or am I going home?”

Jules stepped aside and he came inside. “Thank you, Jules. Something smells good,” he tried to get the night back on track although he wasn’t sure why it had even gone off the rails in the first place.

Jules walked into the kitchen while he stopped by the bedroom and dropped his duffel before following her. She’d changed clothes and wore yoga pants and a yoga top and her hair was pulled up off her neck in a sloppy bun. The pants were low enough that damn tat he was so infatuated with was exposed and he wondered if she had done that intentionally.

“Spaghetti,” she answered without looking at him. “Can you start the salad?”

He went to the counter and grabbed a knife, answering her question silently.

He was cutting tomatoes and removing seeds, when Jules slammed her own knife down and wiped her eyes in frustration. He wiped his hands on his jeans and turned leaning against the counter watching her.

“Ohhkaay…” he drawled, unsure where all of her frustration was coming from. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on or make me guess?”

“Here we are, cooking dinner, you’re bringing your clothes over, we’re already talking about not getting paranoid if we don’t spend every night together… it sounds like we are in a relationship, but we aren’t. We haven’t even had sex yet. We’ve kissed a few times…”

This time it was Sam’s turn to stare at her eye brows raised skeptically, as she continued, “Well ok, yeah, they were great kisses, but still… we were just kissing… and yet, we already talk about breaking up. How fucked up is that?”

Sam’s hands went up as if to block something being thrown at him, and his voice rose as his patience slipped, “Whoa, hold on right there. No one has said anything about breaking up, we are in a relationship, and nothing about this is about sex, it is about love.”

Jules’ scrunched her face in confusion, “But you said…”

“No Jules, you said for me not to get paranoid if you didn’t want me to stay with you. I only threw it back at you because it hurt. What else would I be? There is no place else I would want to be than right here with you, in a relationship with you.”

“What does that mean?”

Sam walked her back until she was pinned between him and the wall, capturing her hands above him. “It means Jules that you and I are together. It means that you are my best friend,” he nuzzled against her neck, “and my lover.”

He slid his mouth along her jaw as she bent her head giving him better access, “It means I meant every word when I told you that you are my everything.”

His head dipped down her throat, sucking gently along her neck, leaving breathy words as he went, “It means that we don’t have sex, Julianna Callaghan, we make love….”

Jules whimpered and wrapped a leg around his waist trying to pull him closer, as he continued his whispered exploration to her lips, barely touching them as he told her, “no matter what that may mean, whatever is between us, it’s making love, never just having sex, never just fucking….”

He continued to hold both her hands trapped over head, “It means that I’m going to spend the next six days showing you what I mean when I say there is no place else I would rather be. And you already laid out a ground rule of no sex, so I’ll correct that and say no making love.” Despite, or maybe because of her small sob, he moved his body against hers, as she lifted her hips to meet his, dragging his other hand slowly from her shoulders, cupping her endowed breast, tweaking the hardened nipple underneath the nylon yoga top.

Jules’ head tipped back against the wall where he had her pinned as he flicked her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, reveling in the passion he was causing in her, the unfocused eyes, the small tremors he could feel through her body she couldn’t quite control, the wet heat she rubbed against his leg told him everything he needed to know. But it wasn’t enough that he could drive her crazy. He wanted more than this from her.

One hand kept her pinned against the wall, and the other crept around and lifted her to him, grinding her lightly against him. “And Jules, more than anything else, there is more to us than this…” he said as he brought his mouth to hers, crushing lips to lips, mouth to mouth, teeth smashing against teeth, tongue dueling with tongue.

Breathing hard, Sam finally broke the kiss, “You set the ground rules last night. I could stay here as long as we didn’t pick up where we left off last night. Just like the Boss’ rules, I’m not going to break it.”

Jules broke free of his grasp and dropped her leg from his waist, trying to get her bearings again. He had, once again, knocked her for a loop and she hadn’t been prepared for it. “So what was that? Seems pretty close to ‘picking up where we left off.’”

Sam shook his head, frustrated, “Jules, let me bottom line this… Do you trust me?”

Jules thought for a moment, “Yes. I know you have my back.”

“Not just as your partner in the field, but in every other way. You trust me with your life, but you don’t trust me with your heart, with your love?”

Jules closed her eyes and remembered how it felt when he smiled at her, how her heart pounded, or when he laughed and how it made her want to join in, or God, when he touched her… how she just exploded inside, he looked at her in that sleepy sexy way and she went damp.

“I got scared Sam. ‘Cause if you did decide you didn’t want to stay here for whatever reason, it would hurt. And I would worry that maybe it wasn’t, that I wasn’t all you thought I was. Like the more you got to know me, you know, the less you’d like me.”

Sam laughed, “Jules, Jules, Jules,” as he took her into his arms in a big hug, “there is nothing about you that I don’t already love. Just don’t pull that FINE crap on me, again, ok? You know what FINE means, right?”

“Fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. Got it.”

The rest of the night went well, although their mutually unsatisfied sexual tension had left them a little edgy. Over the course of eating, a glass of wine, and a ridiculous sci-fi flick Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem where they got to make fun of the combat language and the stupid actors who just kept doing dumb stuff and getting killed which made them both laugh, things relaxed and they were ready for bed.

Once again, this time without even realizing it, they stepped into the sexual torment that was their current relationship. Jules walked out of the bathroom only to be greeted by Sam’s “Hell, no!”

Jules stood there, mouth open, not sure what he was even talking about.

“You are not wearing that to bed.”

“It’s a hockey jersey.”

“I know what it is, Jules. And you can’t wear it to bed.”

“I know it’s not sexy, but I thought under the circumstances…”

Sam barked a laugh, “That is the sexiest thing I have ever seen, now go change. I can’t sleep with you dressed like that. Not happening.”

Jules smirked, tilting her head, “Ah, the great Sam Braddock, brought to his knees by a woman in a hockey jersey? What is the world coming to?”

“Not just any woman,” Sam defended himself. “You. This is important. Go change. Unless you are willing to change the rules, of course,” Sam said hopefully.

After Sam’s seduction in the kitchen earlier, and even if he hadn’t carried it to fruition, it had most certainly been a seduction, she had been determined that she most certainly was not going to change the rules, not matter how hard things might get…sort of an extended foreplay. It went both ways.

“Okay, okay, Sam,” she teased as she swayed towards him in her hockey jersey hanging to her knees. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. “I’m sure I can find something else to wear.” Her voice held a breathless promise that his body responded to instantly. Her lips brushed the skin between his t-shirt and his neck. “What would work for you, Sam?”

Her tongue traced the corded muscle along the side of his neck as he nervously swallowed. “A nightgown? A teddy? A garter and thong would probably be pushing it, wouldn’t it?” she broke away and looked into his eyes, trying hard to look sad, and failing miserably. “Of course, you’ve already ruined one.”

He swallowed hard and walked backwards toward the bathroom so he could shower and change for bed as well. ‘I could bathe in Lake Ontario in the winter and it wouldn’t be cold enough for what this woman does to me’. Cold shower was it…again.  The next six days were going to be the longest 144 hours in his life.

When he came out, Jules was lying in bed reading a book dressed in black gown that draped from her shoulders and had scoop neck in front and back. He couldn’t tell how long it was, but it was definitely something that in hind sight it might have been better for her to have stayed in the jersey. The devil you knew over the devil you didn’t.

She casually looked up, slowly taking in his bare, carved chest, her eyes following the thin line of blonde hair that disappeared into his low hanging sweats. He wasn’t wearing anything else. She licked her lips as she watched his cock grow again in response to her gaze. She wasn’t even near him and could still manage to get a rise out of him. She felt powerful and sexy.

And damn if she didn’t feel her that deep stirring of passion within herself, felt that all too familiar swelling begin, making her want to bring her legs together to relieve the agony, a throbbing ache as she watched him stand before her, all but naked, waiting for her, ready for her, hard for her, again… just for her. Exasperated, Jules let her head fall back on the pillow and blindly reached over to turn off the light. The next six days were going to be the longest 144 hours of her life.


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